Steps Forward

I know it’s been a couple weeks since my last one. I just haven’t had anything to write. Last week was Spring Break, which came at just the right time! Unfortunately, I enjoyed my break just a little bit too much. I soooo didn’t want to come back to school.

My family all headed down to Texas, and while I LOVE Texas (in fact, I intend to move down there after school), I decided not to go with them. I hate long car rides and sharing a bed with my sister (no offense, but really), and we couldn’t find anyone to watch my dog. Anyone that knows me knows how much I love dogs, mine especially! She’s adorable! A loud, pain in the ass, but still freaking cute! She’s also kind of lazy, and hasn’t get much exercise since I’m not there. Consequently, that adorable little dog isn’t really so little anymore. My cousin came to visit for a few days and we hosted the First Annual (and hopefully only ever.…) Marlee Boot Camp! My week was pretty much dedicated to playing with her and getting her started on losing those unnecessary doggie pounds. Some might think that sounds like a horrible break, and when people asked me what I did, everyone responds with the same, “oh that sucks.” Actually, no, it didn’t! I’m a dog person. I’d adopt every dog at the shelter if I could, so it was a fantastic week! In a matter of a week, we went from throwing the ball for maybe 5 minutes in the backyard and crashing to playing fetch at the dog park for a half hour or so and still wanting to play when we got home. Hopefully they keep it up now that I’m back at school! (*wink* *wink*) Dogs are like little kids – they need attention or they will act out, right? Well let me just tell you, that was one well-behaved dog last week! Although she could use a refresher on the basic commands (*wink* *wink*)!

Ok, ok – I’ll stop talking about my dog and get to the main point of this post….I don’t know if any of y’all have heard of Celebrate Recovery, but it’s a recovery group similar to AA. There are a few differences, the main one being that it isn’t specifically designed for alcohol abuse/addiction, but it’s the same 12-step concept. It’s at a church I went to a couple of times last semester before I started at a different one. I remembered seeing it in the bulletin, but didn’t want to go, even though I knew I probably should’ve. This last weekend I was watching a movie, Home Run. All I knew was that it was about baseball, so I was all over it! It ended up being about a player who was an alcoholic and was required to go to Celebrate Recovery meetings back in his hometown where he also had to coach a little league team. That kind of planted the idea back into my head. So last night I found myself in the church parking lot. After a few minutes of deciding what I was going to do, I hesitantly got out and went in. Everyone was so warm and welcoming. They reeeeally like new people and did their best to make me feel welcome.

It starts with a worship service and then moves into small groups. It didn’t take me long to figure out that I was definitely the youngest one there. Part of me wondered how I was going to connect with anyone. Not that I don’t like talking to people older than me, but we are in such different stages life. While I’m old for my age, there’s still a huge difference between a 20 year old and someone in their 40s, 50s or older. There are a few younger than that, but not many. Then it took me somewhere else. I’m by far the youngest one. Talking with a few people, their addictions/depression, etc. started when they were adults. Where did my life go awry? I was only 18 when I went into treatment and got my mile long list of diagnoses, and I had already been sick for years. A normal college aged girl is out having fun, being carefree, etc. and I’m spending my Tuesday night in a recovery support group.

There aren’t any support groups on campus, and I think that would be really good for me at this point. Right now, I have my eating disorder behaviors back in check, but I’m still at the point where it wouldn’t take much to send me back. Having that accountability to more than just my therapist would be great! There are definitely parts of Celebrate Recovery that I don’t necessarily agree with, but it’s too soon to judge at this point. We’ll just see how it goes! I need to just let it be, and learn that I don’t need a plan for every little thing.

I also had my first boxing class today!! Since I dropped my writing class, I needed another credit to keep my scholarship, and they have a bunch of fun one credit classes. Because of my schedule, this is the only one I’m able to go to, so boxing it is! It was actually a lot of fun! And really calming! I’ve never been one to be violent and throw or break things when I’m mad, but punching the crap out of the bag was nice J She also told me I’m a natural, which I probably let go to my head just a bit too much! But whatever! I’ve never been super athletic, with the exception of dance, so I’ll take it!! However, I think I’m going to be sore in the morning! Because of my little relapse I haven’t really let myself workout, and before then I didn’t have the energy or motivation, so it’s been awhile since I’ve been real active. I can already feel it in my arms….

Victory of the week: I’ve talked about before how being in unfamiliar social situations freaks me out big time. My anxiety takes over, and I shutdown. Not only did I do it once in CR, but then I also did it in boxing class! That’s not to say I didn’t sit in my car for a while before I talked myself into going in, but I got there. And not only that, but the anxiety didn’t affect my eating. Even though my stomach has been in knots the last few days, I haven’t had a problem completing! Megan for the win!

One thought on “Steps Forward

  1. Megan,I am your great aunt Carol, I am not really “great”, but because your grandmother Mitchell is my sister, the title is mine! I kind of like it! I am so very proud of the progress you are making and the courage you had to admit you needed help! Keeping you in my prayers! I am anxiously waiting for the sister reunion the end of the month ,”hope we get to have a little visit with you too!


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