First off, a little housekeeping – my last post sparked quite the controversy across the board as to who it was about. The point of it wasn’t to throw someone under the bus or tell you my drama. The point was what I learned from it, and how I grew. I know I’m pretty open in this blog and let y’all into my world pretty vividly. I know I’m pretty mature and responsible, pretty old for my age, but I’m still a 21 year old girl in college. You probably don’t want to know every little thing I do any more than I care to share. For having this blog and being so public about a lot of things, some things I’d like to keep to myself for my sanity! If I want the world to know, believe me, I’ll tell you! Otherwise, it’ll stay with me. Someone once told me don’t put anything on the internet you wouldn’t want your grandma to see. That’s some pretty solid advice! Because, yes, my grandma reads this….
So on a more fun note! 🙂 there are lots of big changes coming up in the next couple weeks for me. Here’s a shock – I changed majors…. again. Basically I don’t know what I want to do with my life, and I still love hospitality and psychology! It just isn’t what I want to do for the rest of my life. I’m now part of the Global Campus Business program at K-State. My classes are all online, which I’m super excited about! Also, I was offered a job with the Finance department at GTM Sportswear here in Manhattan! I will be working with Accounts Receivable. It is a full-time job with set hours M-F, which I couldn’t be more excited about! No more working weekends or super early mornings. Don’t get me wrong, as much as I complained about it sometimes, the Hilton really was great and some of my best friends came from there. But I’m ready to not have to get up at 4 a.m. anymore!
As far as my recovery, I’m in a good place. Yes, some days are rough. Some days sticking to my meal plan is a struggle, and some days I cringe when I look in the mirror. But, overall, I feel better. I was kind of worried because I’m not in my target weight range from treatment, still under it by about 5 pounds, which for someone my size is quite a bit. I actually haven’t gained much back. But I’m eating a lot, have the energy to make it through the day, and feel great! I can feel myself getting stronger from working out, which wouldn’t happen if I wasn’t fueling my body right, and, in turn, makes me a lot more confident, which others have started to notice. I can make it through a shift at work without dying or my legs giving out. And best yet! I can wear shorts and be comfortable, which I’ve never said before!
I struggle with that because I’m more confident in myself and my body now than I ever have been, which is shown by some of the clothes I’ve been wearing lately. (Just to clarify, I’m not running around in a bra and mini skirt – just tastefully showing more skin :P) I know a lot of it is due to the fact that I lost weight, which normally is fine, except not when you lose it by starving yourself.
I was talking to a friend about this earlier, and he asked if I wanted to lose more weight. I automatically said no – that I just want to get stronger. He gave me this little smile and said, “what would you have said a month ago?” It got me thinking. 2 months ago I wanted to lose more and more weight. I thought it would’ve been awesome to hit double digits on the scale. That’s not even remotely realistic for my body and would look absolutely terrible!! But there’s something about being under 100 that appealed to me. It did when I was really sick before, too. Do I want that now? Hell no!!
I’m not stupid. I know there was a lot of concern with me working out – especially Insanity so early on in me getting back into recovery. However, it’s been great for me! I look forward to working out and am determined to push myself to get better. It’s always been a stress reliever for me. Yoga and walking, what’s normally recommended for exercise in recovery, don’t cut it for me. I like to sweat it out! It’s made me be a lot more in tune with my body and what it needs, and also focus on my body in a more positive way. I can’t eat burgers and fries or binge on chocolate and bread every day and expect to get better. I also can’t survive off a banana and bowl of cereal a day and get stronger either. I make a meal plan for the week every Sunday, and make sure I’m getting enough protein and not running from carbs and fats. I don’t stick to it religiously, though. If I’m supposed to have a salad for lunch, but I’d rather have a sandwich, sure I’ll have the sandwich! But it’s a great starting place for me.
Having a set schedule is going to be so great for me and my recovery. There isn’t any guessing as to when I’m going to be doing what. I’ll get up, work out, work until 6, eat dinner, do homework, go to bed. For some that may seem like a boring routine, but that works so much better for me – especially right now! I know what I need to do when and how to manage my time so much better, which leads to a much happier Megan!!
P.S. I realized in one of my first blogs that I said they wouldn’t all be as long as that one was. Y’all, I lied. They’re all long. But that ain’t changing anytime soon! 🙂 Enjoy!