I know it’s been a long while since I last posted. I’ve sat down to do this a few times now, but I’ve just been so freaking busy the last couple weeks. It’s been nuts between work, classes starting and life. So here we go:
I started classes at University of Alabama a couple weeks ago, and so far so good! I’m really excited about the program and all that it offers. Because of pre-reqs I can’t take many nutrition classes this semester, but I’m getting the other stuff out of the way! Next semester I should be able to take more!
Life….where to start with life haha it’s been a roller coaster of emotions lately. I’ve had some of the highest highs, as well as some of the lowest lows. Work has been crazy because we are understaffed, so the supervisors have all had to work more which is stressful with trying to keep up with school. I’ve thought about trying to get off my meds, but realized that is one of the worst things I could do right now. It’s interesting, because, as I get older, I have more bipolar tendencies that come out. They told me before that I’m not diagnosable, but it’s something to keep an eye on because I have higher highs and lower lows than most. Plus when I get overwhelmed and forget to take my meds, I get more impulsive and irrational, aka manic. It’s all still very manageable! I’m aware that that’s how I get, so I’ve been a lot better at not missing any days to keep myself together.
Last week we had a military ball at work for 700 people which was just crazy. Since I said we are understaffed, it meant the supervisors all pulling 14+ hour days to prepare. As if that wasn’t enough, and I won’t go into super detail, but I also had the heartbreaks of all heartbreaks. The kind where he won’t pull his head out of his butt and realize that even though we have our differences, we’re freaking great together! The kind where we’re “the ones that got away” from each other. That our timing sucks and he isn’t ready for a relationship. (If you’re reading this, which I know you are, sorry, love. As much as I understand, I still think you’re an idiot 😊) As many times as we’ve “taken breaks” it doesn’t get any easier, because saying goodbye to him is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
Point being, keeping my act together lately hasn’t been easy. But the reason I’m saying all this is because turning back to my eating disorder has never been a thought. I don’t want to feel the way I do. I’m kind of tired of being tired. Or seeing things that remind me of him and tearing up. It would be so easy to start skipping meals to avoid the feelings I have. But I’m not. Because it’s not easier. Getting stressed, getting hurt, it’s all part of life, and part of life is learning how to deal with the shitty things that come at you. And not only that, but I want to work with eating disorder patients when I’m done with school. How can I do that if I continue to fall back to old vices. I have officially been 1 year behavior free!! Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had nights where I drown my feelings in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s but I don’t hate myself after, I bounce back the next day and get back on track. Do I overeat sometimes? Yes, but who doesn’t? Don’t tell me you go to Texas Roadhouse and not have 13 rolls. Do I not eat lunch sometimes? Yes, but sometimes my job doesn’t allow it. Do I do it on purpose though? Absolutely not. If I don’t eat, it’s because I’m legitimately not hungry. (Or there isn’t time or I took a nap or…the list goes on haha) I’m in a really great place, despite the fact that I feel like my life is slightly falling apart.
In other exciting news though! I’M GOING TO FIJI!!!! I’m part of a volunteer trip that’s going to Fiji in January to work with the community and their health and nutrition. They have one of the highest rates of diabetes in the world, so we’re going to help spread awareness and give them the tools they need to lead healthier lives. I’m super excited about it, but I do need help getting there. It would be great if you guys could help me out! The link for my GoFundMe is below! I’m happy to answer any questions about it, too.
So point of this rambling post is that, I’m doing well. Recovery is on track. I haven’t failed out of school yet. And I’m learning to deal with crappy emotions the right way 😊